The Wisdom of the Body: Understanding Body Regulation

Our bodies are constantly giving us information. You might notice that your jaw is tight, your shoulders are aching, your stomach hurts, your breathing has become shallow, your heart is racing or you feel a heaviness somewhere in your body. We often notice these things without really stopping to ask ourselves what is happening.

Sometimes we dismiss them. We tell ourselves we're tired, stressed, getting older, or that it will pass. We carry on because there is always something else to do.

But what happens when, instead of dismissing what we notice, we become curious about it?

As a psychotherapist, I’m increasingly interested in what happens when we begin to slow down and notice our bodies with curiosity rather than judgement. Body regulation isn't about forcing your body to feel a certain way. It's about developing a greater awareness of what is happening within you and exploring how you might respond.

Learning to Notice

We often notice our thoughts and emotions more readily than our physical experience. We might recognise that we are worried, irritated or overwhelmed, without noticing that our shoulders have tightened, our breathing has changed or our stomach feels unsettled.

Learning to notice the body can begin very simply.

You might pause and ask yourself:

• What am I noticing in my body right now?

• Where do I feel tension, pressure, warmth, heaviness or discomfort?

• Has anything changed in my breathing, posture or heart rate?

• Is there a part of my body that I have been ignoring?

• What happens when I stay with the sensation for a few moments, without immediately trying to change it?

There is no right answer. The intention is simply to become more familiar with your own physical experience.

Your Body Is Part of the Story

Our physical and emotional experiences are not separate worlds. The way we think, feel, relate to other people and respond to our environment can all be reflected in our bodies.

The work of psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dan Siegel, including his ideas around interpersonal neurobiology, has contributed to a broader understanding of the ways our minds, bodies, relationships and nervous systems are interconnected. Rather than thinking of the mind as something entirely separate from the body, we can begin to consider the whole person.

This can be particularly important when life has been stressful for a long period of time. We may become used to functioning on automatic pilot: getting through the day, meeting responsibilities and carrying on regardless of how we actually feel.

Sometimes the first step towards change is simply noticing that we have been doing this.

When We Dismiss What We Feel

Many of us have learnt to override our physical signals.

We might say, “It’s nothing,” “I’m just tired,” or “I haven’t got time to think about it.” Sometimes that is perfectly understandable. There are days when we simply need to get on with things.

But repeatedly dismissing physical sensations can also mean that we lose touch with important information.

An ache or pain is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong emotionally, and it should not automatically be interpreted as a message from the nervous system. Physical symptoms can have many causes and, where something is persistent, new or concerning, they deserve appropriate medical attention.

At the same time, becoming curious about what we are experiencing can help us notice patterns. Perhaps your jaw tightens when you are anxious. Perhaps your stomach changes when you are anticipating a difficult conversation. Perhaps you notice that your shoulders rarely soften, even when you are resting.

The aim is not to diagnose these sensations. It is to listen.

Understanding the Nervous System

Stephen Porges' polyvagal theory has influenced the way many therapists and practitioners think about the relationship between the autonomic nervous system, our sense of safety and our responses to the world around us.

The theory offers a framework for considering why we may respond differently depending on how safe, threatened, connected or overwhelmed we feel. It has also contributed to growing interest in the body's role in emotional regulation and in the importance of working with the whole person rather than focusing solely on thoughts.

Whether we are consciously aware of it or not, our bodies are continually responding to what is happening around us.

A change in someone's voice. A busy environment. An unexpected email. A difficult conversation. A feeling of being watched or judged. Or, equally, a familiar person, a sense of connection, music, movement or simply having enough space to breathe.

Our experience of the world is not only something we think about. We experience it through our bodies too.

Creating Space to Respond

Body regulation does not mean being calm all the time.

Life will continue to bring uncertainty, frustration, excitement, grief, pressure and change. The goal is not to eliminate these experiences but to develop more awareness of how we respond to them.

Sometimes regulation might mean slowing down. Sometimes it might mean moving. Sometimes it might mean taking a breath, changing your environment, connecting with someone, resting, or simply recognising, “I’m having a difficult moment.”

The more familiar we become with our own bodily signals, the more opportunity we may have to notice what we need before we reach the point of exhaustion or overwhelm.

A Different Kind of Listening

Perhaps the most important shift is from asking, “How do I get rid of this feeling?” to asking, “What am I noticing?”

That small change can create space between experiencing something and immediately reacting to it.

You don't have to analyse every sensation or find an explanation for everything your body does. Sometimes noticing is enough.

Your body is not a problem to be fixed. It is part of you.

Learning to listen to it with curiosity, compassion and respect can become another way of understanding yourself and another way of meeting the stresses and changes of everyday life.

This is at the heart of body regulation: slowing down enough to notice, becoming curious about your experience, and exploring new ways of responding.