When Everything Feels Like Too Much

Sometimes life doesn't become too much because you are not coping well; sometimes it becomes too much because you have been coping with too much for too long.

You may have been managing work, family, relationships, finances, your health, or a loved one’s health and all the every day things that life asks of you. Perhaps there hasn't been one particular thing that has gone wrong. Instead, it can feel as though there is just too much to think about, too much to do and too little space to recover.

You keep going because there are things that need doing. Other people may depend on you. There may be decisions that need to be made, problems that need sorting out and responsibilities that can't be put down.

And yet, at some point, you may notice that you are finding it harder to keep everything in your head. Small things can feel disproportionately difficult. You might become more irritable, anxious or tearful, or find yourself withdrawing because you don't have the energy to deal with anyone else. Even things you would normally enjoy can begin to feel like another demand.

You might find yourself thinking, I can't do this anymore. I just need everything to stop for a while.

When Life Starts to Feel Unmanageable

Overwhelm isn't always obvious from the outside.

You may still be going to work, answering messages, looking after your family and doing everything that is expected of you. From the outside, you might appear to be doing perfectly well.

But internally, it can feel very different.

There may be a constant sense of pressure, as though your mind never quite switches off. You are thinking about what needs to happen next while also worrying about what you haven't done yet. Even when you have some time to yourself, it can be difficult to relax because your mind is still occupied with everything that is waiting for you.

Sometimes the difficulty isn't one particular problem. It is the accumulation of many things, each of which might be manageable on its own but becomes something else when they are all happening at once.

When You Have Always Been the One Who Manages

Some people become very good at getting on with things. They are the ones who organise, solve problems, look after other people and keep things moving when life becomes difficult. They may have spent years being the dependable one, the person others turn to when something needs sorting out.

There can be a lot to value in that. But being capable doesn't mean you have unlimited capacity.

You can become so accustomed to taking responsibility that you don't necessarily notice how much you are holding. You adapt, take on another responsibility and tell yourself that things will be easier when this particular period is over. Then another thing happens. And another.

Eventually, you may find that the ways you have dealt with pressure in the past aren't helping in quite the same way anymore. You are still trying to keep everything going, but there is less room to absorb another demand.

That can be confusing. You may wonder why you are struggling with things that you have managed before.

When There Is No Space Left

When we have been under pressure for a long time, there can be very little space left for anything else. There may be less ability to make decisions, less energy for relationships, less tolerance for uncertainty or things not going according to plan, less patience for other people, and less patience for yourself.

You might find yourself snapping at someone you love and then feeling guilty afterwards. Or avoiding phone calls because you can't face another conversation. Or going out less because you feel too tired or too low. Perhaps you keep putting things off because even deciding where to start feels exhausting.

You can reach a point where you are simply running on empty. You may still be getting through the day and doing what needs to be done, but there is very little left over. Sometimes you don't realise how depleted you have become until something small tips you over the edge. It isn't necessarily the thing itself that is overwhelming. It is that you have reached the point where there is no longer much capacity left to absorb anything more.

Sometimes you don't need another strategy. You need some space to understand what is happening.

That can be difficult to recognise when your instinct is to solve problems. The response may be to make another list, organise yourself better, become more disciplined or try harder.

But if there is too much on your plate, another demand to do things differently can sometimes add to the pressure rather than relieve it.

When Looking After Yourself Becomes Another Task

When life feels overwhelming, you will often hear that you need to look after yourself. Get more sleep, exercise, eat well, take some time for yourself. All of these things can help, but when you are already struggling to get through everything that needs to be done, even self-care can feel like another responsibility.

Sometimes the problem isn't that you don't know how to look after yourself. It is that your own needs have gradually become less important than everything and everyone else.

It can be worth stopping to ask: What do I actually need at the moment? What have I been pushing aside?

Self-care isn't always about doing more things for yourself. Sometimes it begins with recognising that you matter too.

What Might Be Behind the Overwhelm?

When everything feels like too much, it can be useful to look beyond the immediate demands and ask what else might be going on.

Perhaps you are carrying responsibility for other people that you rarely acknowledge. Perhaps you have been dealing with uncertainty about your work, your relationship, your health or your future. Perhaps something has changed in your life and you haven't really had the opportunity to take in what it means.

Sometimes there is grief underneath overwhelm. Sometimes there is anger, loneliness or fear. Sometimes there is a sense that life has become very different from what you imagined it would be.

And sometimes you have simply been putting your own needs to one side for so long that you no longer know what you need.

This is one of the reasons overwhelm can be difficult to resolve by becoming more organised. There may be something that needs to be understood, not just something that needs to be managed.

You Don't Have to Wait Until You Can't Cope

There can be a tendency to think that you should seek help only when things have become unbearable. But you don't have to wait until you reach that point. Sometimes therapy offers a place to stop for a while and look at what has been happening. Not to be given another set of things to do, but to have some space to think about your life and how you have been experiencing it.

You might begin by talking about the practical things that are overwhelming you. As you talk, you may start to notice the feelings underneath them, the expectations you have placed on yourself, the relationships in which you are taking on too much, or the things you have been avoiding because there hasn't been enough space to face them.

Therapy isn't about telling you how to live your life or giving you a formula for dealing with difficult periods. It is about having somewhere you can slow down, think honestly about what is happening and begin to understand what you need.

If everything is feeling like too much at the moment, you don't have to work it all out before you ask for help. Sometimes the first step is simply having somewhere to put it all down for a while.

If you would like some space to talk about what is happening in your life, you are welcome to get in touch to arrange an initial consultation.